Monthly Archives: March 2012


Not another holiday !!!!!!!!!!!

Dog with Blog

Mum is planning a holiday. The reason I know this is because she has started her usual routine of trying to convince me that I too and going on my holidays….to the kennel (yeah right!!!) In light of this I have decided to outline some key tactics and methods for making the most of those holiday blues. Whether you get shipped off to the kennels or cattery, or are less fortunate and get to spend a week with great aunt Mildred who insists on plaiting your hair and seeing how cute you look in her socks!!!! this is a must read for all pets who’s owners are rude enough to think they need to get away from it all for a week….without taking you!!! 

Get hold of the sacred red book 

This is by no means an easy feat and it certainly not for the faint hearted. The…

View original post 753 more words


MegaMillions Lottery – Poor Freddie


I saw my cousin Freddie the Standard Poodle, who lives in Morrisville, PA (and who incidentally finds it quite patronizing to be called standard) on Skype yesterday (Obviously he’s not my actual cousin, my Mum and his Mum are sisters). I mentioned to him that it took 2 hours for us to go for a walk the other evening because of our ‘Excuse Me…I think your sheep’s dead’ incident. However, my episode paled into insignificance after I’d listened to the hell of a day he’d had yesterday.

His Mum took him out for his usual morning walk at 10am…and they didn’t get home until 6 hours later. Apparently, he only made it to the end of his street when they ran into a mass of people standing randomly in a long queue. Freddie tried to walk around them (ignoring the strangeness of hundreds of people standing behind each other), but to his amazement, his Mum went and stood behind them and joined the queue!!!!

And 6 hours later they had only made it to the shop on the next street. Freddie said he waited outside while his Mum went in and then she took him back home again…..what the hell kind of weirdness is that. To make matters even worse, his Mum spent the rest of the evening going on about balls and how they were definitely getting 6 of them that night (but by all accounts Freddie hasn’t seen a bloody one!).  He still has no idea what happened…but whatever his Mum had bought from the shop was crap anyway, cos later that evening when she was watching TV, she started to scream at the man (who was apparently shouting numbers out randomly – but then Freddie is not that reliable due to the mess of hair that sits continuously in his eyes). His Mum ripped that piece of paper she had bought from the shop into 20 pieces, then threw it into the fire and set it alight……

I tell you……there’s nowt as queer as folks

Hoping I Get 6 Balls Jay xxxx

Competition Time…….


This year is my fourth year of blogging. There have been laughs, tears, tantrums, lost friends, new friends, agility and holidays….but one thing has stayed constant throughout. The wonderful humans and dogs on WordPress, Facebook and Twitter who read my words, give me support and make me one very happy dog.

I recently teamed up with and asked them to make a bumper sticker that Mum could have on her car and I think they have done a wonderful job.

Because I am so grateful to all those who read my blogs and take the time to follow me….I am giving away 10 of these stickers (they come in durable bumper or easy peel window 250mm x 50mm).

Just post a comment on this blog before 7th April 2012, and answer this easy question (hint: She is named in most of my blogs)


Wishing You Good Luck Jay

Please Panic Buy……..


Mum spent 2 hours queuing for petrol yesterday, because apparently the government said it was a good idea (sounds like a dodgy government to me). However, it did give me an idea….so Ellie and I have created a leaflet and have left it on the mat by the letterbox in the hope that Mum takes the hint…..

A Hopeful Jay xxxx

Ooohh…A Paddling Pool…..NOT!!!!!


All the hot weather this week has made me wish we had room in our back garden for a paddling pool…………

But then, Ellie has not really gotten over the incident 4 years ago when we did have a pool. It seems like a lifetime ago not…but still cracks me up to re-read, so I have posted again for my newer followers xxx enjoy.

“Why are you chasing your tail?”……do you even know how many times they’ve asked me that question?   How the hell am I supposed to know why I do it. I’m a dog, dogs chase their tails…so I chase…round and round and round. The weirdest thing is, when they ask me a question and then answer as though they are me….always in that same “scooby doo” type voice. I wonder why they think all dogs talk like scooby doo? So anyway, I’ve had a lazy day today…it’s way too hot to bound around endlessly, unless your two sandwiches short of a picnic (mentioning no names…ELLIE!!!). Mum made her usual side-splitting comment “Are you hot Jay…..why don’t you take your coat off?”…..ohhh the humor… my ribs ache!!!

I guess I could have gone into the pool today…the weather being hot and all, but then I am a dog and it is a childs blow up paddling pool!!!  I kid you not. Mum came home on Sunday with a huge grin on her face. “Look what I’ve bought for you”. Nothing that involves a bicycle pump and the garden hose can be good! Ellie instantly gets herself into a Tasmanian Devil type state (oh for a housemate with more than 2 brain cells!)…. so I sit in the shade and watch as Mum blows it up and fills it with freezing cold water. Then, believe it or not, she actually tries to entice Me and Ellie to get in the thing.  Tumbleweeds blowing around the garden were similar to my expression. Never one to quit, she then submersed all of our toys in the middle of the pool and sat back on the wall with a satisfied smile on her face. Now I love my toys, but I was not about to wade through cold water (with my coat on!) just to get them. Especially when my wonderful friend Ellie was so keen to dive in!   How Mum could say I pushed her is a mystery to me….I always walk backwards without looking where I’m going, it’s a Border Collie thing…ask any dog!

I’ve posted a couple of pictures of Ellie at the bottom of this blog, so that you can put a face to the name. Mum says she’s a chocolate Border Collie. I’m less convinced. Border Collies are known for their intelligence and focused co-ordination. Now I can catch a ball thrown from 500 yards. Ellie’s completely forgotten anyone even has the ball by the time Mum gets 500 yards away. I know that the bars on the back gate are a tight fit. If Ellie’s head isn’t stuck through them at least 3 times a week it’s a miracle. I know that when I walk past a mirror an identical dog to me isn’t hiding behind it…enough said.  But seriously, she is my friend and most of the time we get along fine!

Signing out – Lazy Day Jay!


3…2…1…Blast Off…..


WooHoo… Facebook page launched. I’m so excited…and I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control, and I think I like it……yeah yeah.

If you like my blogs, please like and follow me on my new Facebook page….it would mean so much to me –

Thanks for all the comments and follows so far…..that’s what friends are for

Excited Jay xxx

A Tick By Any Other Name


Apparently Satan himself has been to visit our house in the night (or at least that’s what our neighbours will think by Mum’s reaction when she got up this morning).

‘Oh God Jay…..Oh God….Ellie has a TICK!!!!!’…….I feigned shock and horror because Mum was in tears and fits of hysterics when she sobbed this into my sodden wet head. Obviously Ellie having a tick is not news to me…..she’s always winking randomly at me in the kitchen (I just assumed she was in season….). I’ve noticed it for ages and would of course have said something had I know it was the work of the devil himself.

It’s really no big deal…….people have ticks all the time (mainly nervous ones apparently). I myself get the occasional upper eyelid that has a mind of it’s own and jumps up and down for no reason. I was about to point this out to Mum when she suddenly grabbed Ellie by the neck and gouged at her ear with a pair of steralized tweezers……..WHAT THE HELL!!!!!

I am going to steal some of Mum’s matches when she goes to work and ensure I prop my eyes open with them……God forbid she decides to pull my eyelids off just because the involuntarily twitch…..

A Wide Eyed (and not so bushy tailed) Jay xxxx

Blast From The Past


Back in 2008, when I was a mere pup…I wrote a blog about my dear friend Mr Frimbles and an unfortunate accident.

Recently, my neighbour Darcy the Pitbull experienced something similar and I was reminded of how traumatic a time that was. As I now have some many more followers than I did back then, I have decided to repost Farewell to a Friend in sympathy of Darcy.


Yesterday was not a good day! In fact I’m still trying to come to terms with it all. What started out as an average mid-week day, ended in tears, tantrums and mayhem…. and that was just Mum.

We always go for a walk around midday when Mum’s not at work. She usually takes me first and Ellie second. Apparently the only time she took us together we nearly ripped her arms out of their sockets. I like it when it’s just me and Mum though. Ellie always creates merry hell when I put my lead on, lying on the floor making grotesque gurgling sounds as though someone is butchering her with a blunt spoon. No one takes any notice really. So Mum and I left the house after trying to explain to Ellie she was going next, and finally giving up. We took a lovely walk around the block and headed back home for Ellie’s turn. Now usually when we walk into the hallway Ellie bounds out of the lounge to greet us….but not yesterday. All was quiet and still! Mum took my lead off and walking into the lounge. She saw it before I did, and clapped her hand over her mouth to supress the scream that had just emitted. When I walked in I had to lean against the bookcase just to stop myself from fainting. Mum and I looked at the floor in the lounge at the same time and then she looked at me….”oh Jay” she said, and put her hand on my head. There were no words to ease the pain, and she knew that. I tried to keep calm, but the anger and sadness rushed forwards all at once. I opened my mouth and howled as loud as I could. “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MR FRIMBLES!!!!!” It didn’t take a genius to see what had happened to him. Ellie was sitting in the corner of the room with his left arm swinging from her mouth. Her head and face covered in his furry white innards. Mr Frimbles, my favorite rope toy whom I’ve had for nearly two years. He had survived being tumbled dried on a high heat setting, losing his footing in the car on a roundabout last summer and being hurled from the window at 30mph and being the unfortunate victim of a less than pleasant bottom incident when I picked up a stomach bug.

But now here he was. Well I say here…a better term would be here, there and everywhere. HIs head was wedged under the sofa, the arm that wasn’t in Ellie’s mouth was hanging next to a pair of knickers on the washing stand and I can’t even contemplate how both of his legs ended up on the book shelf crossed at the ankles with no body to hold them up. HIs innards were strewn across the lounge floor like a blanket of snow and over in the corner was the obvious culprit. Wagging her tail and and Mr Frimbles’s arm in unison. I was nearly sick when she brought over Mr Frimbles arm and tried to get me to play tug of war with me. Mum says that she didn’t mean any harm and she doesn’t really understand what she’s done wrong. I tried to explain it to her but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her. Mum picked up all of the limbs and bits she could find. There were still some parts we couldn’t find. It was only today after tea that one of Mr Frimbles eyes turned up after Ellie had gone to the toilet.

Mum could see how upset I was so we had a little ceremony today. We dug a hole in the back garden and put all of Mr Frimbles’s parts into it. Then we covered him over with soil. Mum said I had to forgive Ellie cause she is still a puppy and still learning. I have played with her a bit today but have put all of my toys in my crate and shut the door. I was starting to feel a bit better this evening until I went for a wee in the garden and saw a giant Jackdaw trying to wedge Mr Frimbles’s head into the hole in the roof next door. I had no idea that birds dug things up out of the soil?

Mum says she will buy Ellie some tough toys so she can’t break mine. I suggested getting a six foot rottweiler to play with …but we’ll see. Tomorrow will be a better day!!

A tired Jay

Excuse Me….I Think Your Sheep’s Dead !!!!


I’m pooped………Mum is on a fitness binge and apparently she needs my assistance!!!

Now like any other dog on the planet, I love my walks. But I’m used to going round the block twice a day. However, for the past 4 days we have walked for 3 miles at a time (to the end of the village and back to be precise). How Mum has enough breathe to walk that far is beyond me…because she spends the entire time talking to me ten to the dozen. I obviously don’t answer as I am trying to conserve my energy for the hike back (the outbound journey is all downhill…….so it goes without saying what the return walk is like)

I wouldn’t mind the generic babble that emits from her mouth for the 60 minutes we spend walking…….but she doesn’t draw breathe. ‘Oh look Jay…cows in a field’ (yes Mum…the same damn cows as yesterday and the day before) ‘There’s that man on his bike again Jay’ (yes Mum, and I’ll bet my last sausage treat we see him again tomorrow – pushing his bike up the hill).

This evening was slightly more eventful than usual. nearing the end of the village as always and just before we turned back…..Mum stopped and peering over a hedge. ‘Oh no Jay….I think that sheep’s dead!’. I can only assume I was supposed to react differently than standing still with my tongue hanging out, praying to the God of water…….‘Jay, come and look. Do you think he’s dead’. For the love of God….I don’t care if he’s dead. I bet wherever sheep go after they die they have lots of cold, wet water.

Dutiful as ever and because I just wanted to turn around and go home, I glanced over the hedge. He looked dead, I must admit but then how am I supposed to communicate that to Mum. I tried to mime dragging my paw across my neck like I’ve seen then do on TV….but Mum is hopeless at cherades.

‘Come on Jay…we’ll go and knock on this house and tell the farmer his sheep is dead’…….Excellent…….the farmer had a drive about 4 miles long. So we walk to the farm and Mum knocks on the door and a little old farmers wife answers the door. And I listen as Mum tells this frail old lady that unfortunately, one of the sheep is dead in the field. ‘Oh no…..which one’ replies the old lady.

Which one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They all look the bloody same…which I would have pointed out had Mum not started rambling on about the colour, shape and size (her description sounded just like a sheep…surprise surprise.) Still unclear which sheep had met its maker, the old lady decides to follow us to the field so she can see for herself. 30 minutes later (I think the old lady was stuck in reverse)…we arrive back at the field to find the damn sheep skipping up and down like Larry the Lamb.

Mum was surprisingly quiet the rest of the way home. She seemed to intone that it had been my error in thinking the sheep was dead and that my ‘confirmation’ as I glanced over the hedge had led her to the farm……..

Ellie should count herself lucky that she is housebound at the minute (she has sore paws so can’t go for a walk for ten days and she has them bandaged up like Mohammed Ali before a match)…

Walked to Death Jay xxxxxxx

Man’s Best Friend…..


Gonna get my Mum to buy this….cos it’s so true xxx

Lovin’ My Mum…Jay xxxx