It’s December…so it is officially okay to say ‘Merry Christmas’ from Ellie & I…..
It’s December…so it is officially okay to say ‘Merry Christmas’ from Ellie & I…..
Yesterday I apparently stared at the front door for over 30 minutes and because Mum could not see exactly what I was staring at, she told me to stop doing it !!!
At the exact same time Ellie was ripping apart her new bed and shoving the soft, comfy innards into corners of the kitchen that would be impossible to retrieve them from at a later date; however this did not appear to bother Mum quite as much as my front door staring, given that she chose to tell me off and not Ellie….it is apparent that I am missing some strange Human trait here where looking at objects they cannot see is potentially terrifying to them.
I think tonight I will try staring at the patch of floor under Mum’s arm chair and see how long she stays seated, too terrified to move…
Sinister Jay xxx
Once every year, my owner is overcome by the insane notion that I am either going to be attacked by a rabid flying monkey or that the pavements will turn into a blanket of rusty nails just before my evening walk. Why she thinks this is beyond me, however the consequences are that I am whisked off to the dreaded ‘vets’ and thus ensues the horrific event that Mum refers to as having my annual injections.
As any dog will know, the vets is a place of misery, pain and often humiliation (my vet has a particular proclivity for shoving his fingers up my bum!); but this years injection visit bore such humiliation that I searched high and low for a shovel to dig a hole in the ground as my paws were just not fast enough.
I always know when something bad is about to happen because Mum buys corned beef out of what I assume is pre-emptive guilt. Yesterday out came the corned beef; which I stupidly ate after checking no white pills had been hidden inside it! Ten minutes later we were in the car and on the way to the vets. I lay down by Mum’s feet in the waiting room (There is no point creating a fuss as you just get dragged across the floor on your butt and our vet has wool carpets!) and waited for the inevitable to happen. A couple of dogs came out of the dreaded white door with cones on their heads; screaming the age old war cry of ‘where have my balls gone!’. Finally it was our turn.
Mum placed my trembling body onto the vets table as she babbled on about unlimited corned beef and being able to sit on the sofa (I would have relished in the human guilt factor had I not been so terrified.) The vet pushed my head to the left and spewed out the usual load of rubbish that putting the injection in the neck is painless (how I long to shove a ten inch needle into his neck and see if he still thinks it’s painless). It was just before closing my eyes that I noticed something purple lying on the floor. At first I couldn’t quite make out what it was, it looked like an extra large hanky lying right next to Mum’s right shoe. But then Mum moved slightly and the full shape of the object came into view….
I’ve heard about this happening to humans before but never actually seen it with my own eyes. They put their clothes on in a hurry and forget to check what might have become of the previous day’s garments! The vet was stalling with the injection, he’d started talking about his impending holiday to Mum; I poked my paw out at Mum and tried to get her attention. She seemed to think I was beyond petrified and wanted to hold her hand! I didn’t know how to get her to look down….I imagined all of the dogs in the neighbourhood finding out about it; I’d be the laughing stock of the village. I needed to do something, pick them up and hide them before the vet noticed…
I moved slowly towards the edge of the table and finally got my back end far enough across that gravity did the rest. I slid off the table and onto the floor before anyone could stop me. Using all of my stealth abilities, I flicked my tail in their direction and they soared through the air towards me before anyone noticed. Unfortunately, Mum was still looking at the vet when she bent down, picked me up to put me back onto the table so she did not noticed what was strewn across my head. In my attempt to sweep them under the table, they had in fact landed on top of my head.
It was too late…….Mum and the vet had finally stopped talking and both looked in my direction at the same time. Mum gasped and slapped her hand across her mouth, her cheeks turning a deep shade of red, the vet’s eyes grew as large as saucers and his eyebrows receded into his hairline and there I sat on the veterinary table with a giant pair of Mum’s purple knickers sitting on my head, my ears poking out through the leg holes like a giant purple hat.
Mum had obviously not noticed that morning when getting dressed that the previous days underwear were still lurking in her jeans. Throughout the morning they had made their crafty way down her trouser leg, poised until the perfect moment to drop presented itself. That moment it turned out had been 2 seconds prior to having my annual injection at the vets.
So I would like to take this moment to thank those purple pants from the bottom of my heart for postponing the inevitable injections, if only for a short while. In Mum’s horror, she had lifted me from the table and fled from the vets room with such speed that the purple knickers had flown from my head and landed smack bang in the middle of the coffee table in the vets waiting room, right amidst copies of Dog Today and Womans Own.
Jay the Knicker Wearing Pooch
One voice is powerful…….a chorus of voices are a powerhouse!
I am one lucky dog to be loved, cared for, fed and given shelter. I am lucky, but thousands of dogs and cats are not as lucky as me. There are hundreds of thousands of animals in rescue shelters and adoption centres who need your support.
Do not dimiss this cause because you are not in a position to give a pet a home. There are so many ways that people can help…..and it is not a gift, it is a duty. Animals cannot speak for themselves, but if they could they would ask for the most basic things in life.
To be loved….
You can give your time, you money, your support….but more importantly, you can give your voice. Make people aware, spread the message, get onboard and be the person that you were put on this earth to be.
Already Rescued Jay xxxx
Hiss and Boo!!! Mum has changed our food and I am not impressed.
We were having lovely meaty chunks until a week ago when for reasons only known to humans, Mum brought home a big bag of rock hard coloured ‘food’. As Ellie would quite literally eat poo on a stick if Mum fed it to her, she has not batted an eyelid at the change in our dietry sustenance. I on the other hand am slightly more refined and am not so easily hoodwinked by the bone and fish shaped colours that quite frankly taste like bird seed!!
I have tried this morning going on strike and simply staring at my bowl, giving Mum a distainful look and going to sit in my bed whilst Ellie gorges herself. Note to self: do not try again this evening as Mum simply put uneaten food back into bag……..
Starvin’ Marvin Jay xxx
It’s been a busy old week…hence my lack of blogging. For the third time in my life, I have had to visit the vets!!!
Picked up a stomach bug (from DOG know’s where) and gave it to Ellie (Just because…..). I had to spend two days on rice……I hate rice. It turns out the rice hates me too….judging by the speed at which it came back up!
So off to the vets we went. Why he thinks he needs to shove the thermometer up my rear end is anybody’s guess (obviously one vet told another vet, then he told 2 people and they told 2 people and so forth…). It wasn’t as bad as it could have been though, at least he didn’t chop anything off this time!!!
Mum has spent the past 2 days trying to give Ellie and I medicine. First she tried dripping it onto a biscuit, so I refused to eat it. Then she tried mixing it into my drinking water (not a chance)….and finally she resorted to offering me a treat and shoving a spoonful of medicine down my throat when I unsuspectingly took the treat…..DAMN Her!!!
Anyway, feeling a lot better now and will not be accepting treats for a while
Been sick but better Jay xxxx